It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
