im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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