Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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