well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
