the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
