he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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