my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
