So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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