how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
