no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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