I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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