Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
