Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
