Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
