I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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