If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
soo... how was my night?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize