Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
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