my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
