You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
