she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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