We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
