She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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