Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
