I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
