I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
