The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
