I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
