yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
