that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
