Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
