Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
