I heard we made out
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
