OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
