I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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