I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
