Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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