Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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