He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
