it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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