I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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