the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
