What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
