You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize