Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
