Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
