lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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