dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
