I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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