he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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