Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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