I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
