Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
