It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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