i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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