the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
