At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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