My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
