I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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