erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
