he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
