Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
my poor anus
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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