I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
