Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
