You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
cat food counts as protein by the way
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
