Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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