You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
