Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she told me i tasted like america
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
whose parrot is this?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
