If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
