butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Enjoy the penises
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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