i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
